so as with most of north america, here in ontario, we are having a bit of a heat wave... so i thought i'd share some tips that i have started to use....
1) for those of you in the states... purchase a celcius thermometer... rarely is that thing going to go over 35 degrees...
2) heat rises... so find a hole and crawl into it... or fall into a well. just be sure that you can escape said well, because i'm not fishing your ass out.
3) if at all possible, cause the sun to collapse upon itself and form a black hole. sure this may not be a great long term plan, but what the hell... i'm hot damn it.
4) if you absolutely must have sex... be sure to make the bitch do all the work.
5) close the shades on the sunny side of your house during the day. well, that one is more just for the old folks home accross the way.. and not really for heat.. i'm just sick of seeing your old wrinkly asses.
6) avoid alcoholic beverages... expecially if you are at my house you cheep f*ck.. bring your own. i'msick of your mooching.
7) if you have to go out in the sun, avoid wearing clothes (this one only applies to certain members of the population... such as the girl who lives in 301 in my building and other similarly built female specimins.)
8) if and when you pass out during your walk home from the bar, be sure to fall asleep either under a park bench, or plan on getting up before the sun rises.
9) when leaving a child or animal in the car while parked... be sure to check in on it every 30 minutes or so to baste and/or rotate to ensure its evenly cooked.
10) when chatting up people at the bar, its best to let certain things slide into the conversation such as, "so whereabouts is your cottage?", "god i'd love to be alone with you in a bedroom with some airconditioning", and "its not contageous right?". (the last one is not really for heat...)
so i hope that helps some of you... oh, as a note.. if anyone is swinging by my place to visit... better give me some warning because i'll be buck nekkid in front of a fan...
Tags:
Published by
tooscoops: 1:52 PM
Views: 1667
