this morning on the way into work i heard about an interesting story... it involved a couple... drinking... driving.. and missing arms.

 

it would seem that this drunk couple had a fight and the man left the girl on the side of the road... in a few minutes, he felt some remorse and went back to pick her up.  she was still where he left her only sitting down in the ditch.... and, this is the kicker,... she was missing her arm.  it was nowhere to be seen.  the lady apparently had no idea what happened and didn't even know it was gone.

 

this just amazes me.  i have been very drunk before as many of you know.  and i have lost many things... my glasses, my house, my dignity, my virginity... but an arm?.. come on now!  thats crazy!  even when i lost my dignity, i knew when it was happening... how drunk do you have to be before you don't notice something like your arm being cut off?!  i actually looked it up on the internet to see if there was more to the story, only to find multiple cases involving the words "drunk", "loses", and "arm"... but at least all those ones knew what was happening to them... be it feeding cookies to polar bears in the zoo while intoxicated, or attempting to get on a train and getting caught in the door... at least they cried out and knew that something was wrong.  in this case... there aren't even any charges laid because there is absolutely nothing known about the incident... this case is so nuts that the cops don't even seem to care that the whole incident involves a drunk couple, getting into their car after the bar and driving away... last i checked.. that wasn't quite allowed.  in this case it seems they are just thinking.. "oh, what the f*ck.. the crazy bitch lost her arm.  i am not telling her she now has a drunk driving charge.  i'd have to take off both her legs before she stopped coming at me..."

 

so let that be a lesson to you kids out there... if you are going to get wasted, always two fist it.  that way at least you'll notice if you lose a limb... plus, you always seem to know who took your beer while drunk, so at least you should be able to track down that limb... oh, and as a tip... put the arm in the cooler or next to the keg while you finish drinking... then, maybe they can reattach it when you get around to swinging by the hospital the next day.. if you have time that is.