the vice guide to picking up chicks

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ASIANS
Asian girls come in two types: FOBs (Fresh Off the Boat) and Born Heres. The only thing these two groups have in common is no ass, smooth skin, great tits, and a bad relationship with their father.

1) FOBs: One way to tell a FOB from a Born Here is to check the shoes. Ever seen those before? Me neither. They're from Taipei. FOBs are not that hard of a nut to crack. As we've pointed out many times before, this whole continent is a mindf*ck to them, so having sex with a loser like you is not so absurd. Conversation and charm can be a pretty lethargic plodge so don't waste your energy. Make them CD mixes. You can put on sh*t like the Rolling Stones and it's like you dug up this underground British blues band.

2) Born Heres: The tricky thing about these girls is they've been fighting with their dads for so long about assimilation, they've become white just to spite him. They love to fight and are stubborn as sh*t. Never ask a Born Here where she's from or anything about her parents' country. In fact, it's better to stereotype them as something American. If she's from Indianapolis say, "The problem with all you Midwestern types is how fat you get after a lifetime of cheese and beer." That shows you love her as a person, an American person, and you don't even remember what race she is.

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Published by tbonaire: 2:00 AM
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