Teen Obesity Linked to Potent Marijuana
Study:
“Killer Weed” leads to “Killer Munchies”
Washington, D.C. - A study published in this month's United States Journal for Health (USJH) links the increasing obesity of American teenagers with stronger marijuana. The study confirms the long-held belief that smoking marijuana increases the user’s appetite. Naturally, the better the marijuana, the larger the appetite, claims the USJH. The study concludes that with more American teens smoking pot than ever before, the increased appetite, or “munchies”, is creating an obese generation.
The story included findings from several USJH studies where teens were given “The Chronic”, a particularly strong strain of marijuana. Afterwards, the smokers were exposed to a large deli tray and several varieties of snack chips. The study found that the group who had smoked The Chronic finished the tray several hours before the control group, whose members did not smoke any marijuana, but were given control cigarettes that contained oregano. In a surprising result, some smokers even made meals from non-traditional foods after the deli tray was finished. One subject “used his lighter to melt a piece of cheese onto his shoe, and then ate the shoe”, reads the study, while another found and ate dry macaroni noodles while giggling uncontrollably..
The study ends with several suggestions to help get our teenagers in better shape, including a better diet combined with increased physical activity. A steady diet of amphetamines is also recommended. “As a nation, we must realize that (teenagers) are going to take drugs. It is the USJH’s recommendation that we encourage teenagers to use amphetamines, which increase metabolism. This may not only slow the rate of obesity in our youth, but may lead to a generation of thinner, albeit more jittery, Americans.”
Why don't they ever call me up for these studies?
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