Poems

my friends just once more

Or have a drink with my brother

But why dwell on that
All of its gone
Now all I have is my memories
And an eternity alone

But then I saw him
Standing there drenched in light
His wings where white
And he looked so peaceful

He took my hand in his
And we flew away
To the gates of heaven
And a new life

I saw my loved ones
The ones who had died
They all look so perfect
Happy and loving

Now I'm in heaven
And I see the people I lost
And some day perhaps
I'll see those people I left

My family and friends
I'll wait for them here
And then when its their time
They'll come back to me

a furious sensation of pain

burns beneath my skin

and burns away at my heart
i choose to let it out

the only way i know i can

as the blade drags across

my once snow white skin

turns to pink as the crimson blood

flows out of my arms so scared

as the sun begins to shine

It dances across the mirror
Tossing dots of light before my eyes
holding me in a tight embrace

refusing to let me go

until i finally fall

to the floor unconcious

finally an ambulance is called

i'm rushed to the E.R. but

is it already too late?
or are they just trying to delay

the inevitable?

not wanting say their final

goodbye but are they already too late?

will i die on the operating table?

or will i die in the ambulance just as they

pull into the hospital gate?

will i go to heaven or

 be denied christ and go to hell

my friends don't believe

don't really understand

they force therapy but they don't

understand that i already have a therapist

beacuse i have my knife and i have my pain
and i have my f*cking reasons

Everyday I used to say,
I love you so, my heart and my soul,
I always used to see him,
Loving me,
Holding me,
Like he would love me forever,

In his heart I could tell,
That I was his umbrella to shelter the rain,
But deep inside him was still in pain,
His hugs were my life,
His kiss was my soul,
Like everything was right and whole,

In his arms I felt safe and secure,
Shielded from the pain and sorrow,
I knew that nothing could get in our way,
That life was perfect everyday,

Then one day,
One our 5 year anniversary,
I was told by my friend,
That she saw him with another girl,

Sad and confused,
I went to his house,
Looking through his window,
I saw him sitting on the couch,

At first I was relieved,
And then some somewhat happy,
I started to walk away,
Before I did I look one last time to see him before left,

Right before my very eyes,
I saw him there,
With Mandy,
Acting all giddy and dandy,
He hugged her before my very eyes,

Broken and betrayed,
Sad and confused,
Like my heart had been ripped in two,
I ran away,
Hoping to never see him again,

When he came over that night,
We got in a huge fight,
Harmful words were said,
Hearts broken,
Never to see him again,

In my misery,
I went to bed,
But crying my eyes out instead,
Finally in all my misery,
I fell asleep to the harsh cruel world,

When I awoke,
I turned on the news,
Only to find,
That someone had died,

At first I thought,
Thats just like me,
But then they said a name that couldnt be,

Grabbing my coat,
And rushing out the door,
I ran to his house,
Where everyone was on the floor,

In my lonesome,
And in my tears,
I ran to the first cop,
Only to hear,

This man was found dead,
It struck dread in my very core,
Only to find he had left something to be read,

I end my life,
I end it today,
For she couldnt see,
How life was meaningless to be,
Her sprit,
Her smile,
Her kisses,
Her love,
Her everything was important to me,
I went to her friend,
To ask her to help,
To find out the perfect thing to give to her,
In my happiness I hugged her right away,
I guess that where I went wrong,
For you see,
She saw me that day,
And so I have to say,
If you find this my loving dear,
Please take what I gave you,
For I love you forever and for always,

Opening the envelope a little more,
Something cold and hard fell in my hand,
My eyes starting watering,
Heart starting beating,

For in my hand was the best gift ever known ,
Atop it,
Was sapphire,
Shaped as a heart,
My favorite stone right from the start,

For in my hand sat an engagement ring,
To most beautiful one ever,
So perfect and round,
Fits delicately on my hand,

But now I see,
That it wasnt him,
It was me.

i say my prayers without a care
or do it seems
as i open my eyes
i begin to cry
there on my bed
lies a bible unread
and there beside it
a blade of the deepest red
a brief moment of pain
as the blade again
slides across my skin
once white as snow
now pink and dripping with blood
it flows onto my white chest
as i clutch my blade
a brief moment of pain
to atone for all the rest
oh how weak thou art my chest
a passing car an ambulence
have they heard my cries?
don't want their help
or their lies
and so i stand
and take a gun
that and a bullet
for this job i'll just need one
and so i stand
but i won't answer to their demand
and so i run
alone in the night
the pack in black
i know well their cry
i run alone in this darkness
i run and yet i'll die
and so i run
still bleeding
alone with my gun
as i enter the park
i load my gun
and put it to my head
there follows a hollow sound
and so i go from this world
i say goodbye as i leave and die
i start to burn and cry
as hell's gates come into view
and it does not matter
no more dollhouse dreaming
kiss your little girl goodbye
for on the night
when through the gardens
you wandered alone
was the night your girl would die
it's too late now to question
you would not listen
so to hell she took her flight
and now you sit and wonder
where the hell you were that night
for the rest she left a note
that she knew would be read
the news the next day?
a little girl in the park  found dead

as i cry and sit
my wrists i would slit
as i'd begin to burn
my heart inside would churn
as my heart begins to die
i can't help but cry
as my mind began to fade
goodbye to this world i bade
as the rain began to fall
my soul began to forever leave
as it did my angel cried
and a few moments later i died
and in a few moments i will sleep
forever beneath the waves and the sea
so as i bleed i cry
but no one cares
because i am all alone
and then i died
now i truly am alone
so goodbye

Take my hand, take my heart
Sew me up to tear me apart
Cover the wounds but dont heal
Mask the pain but forever feel
Hate to love and love to hate
Smash the dream so delicate
Pick up the pieces, all but one
Puzzles unfinished, the love has gone
Forget the plans for tomorrow
All has turned from love to sorrow
Walk away, dont cry tonight
Youre no longer part of my life
Leave me here, Ill be just fine
It doesnt hurt as much this time
When I chose to love, I chose pain
Im cursing loves name yet again
I cant chose right, ends in tears
Knock down walls, expose fears
Break my heart, kill my pride
No where to run, no where to hide
Lost in darkness, alone, to fight
Demons of death which haunt the night
No shelter, no secret sanctuary
No one to call, no one to rescue me
Attacked by the devil, left to bleed
Upon my flesh, wolves will feed
Strengthen them to hunt their prey
Many lives will be lost this way
So here in the darkness, alone, I lie
In a tomb of autumn leaves, I die

a heart unloved and a soul left  unsaved
Forever remain in a nameless grave

The hard steel
Is cold to feel
Rising fear
For me, My Dear

Get one chance
For one last dance
Redden paste
Metallic taste

Come for me
Or let me be
Die for you
I will not do!

Hidden in the shadows of darkness

Fire burning my wrists

Bleeding the blood of the flames

Of the eternal fire of the dead

Hidden in the darkness

I stand my body poised

With knife in hand

ready for the chance to strike

slowly my victim appears

in my line of vision

I stand as still as a statue

As she passes I swing

As she dies

I plunge the knife

into my own heart

and I am forever a spirit

that brings swift death

to as many broken souls as possible

but I always remain hidden in the shadows