This past weekend was the Toronto Ski,
Snowboard and Travel show. Being a community of snowboarders, I'm
sure most people here were at least tempted with the prospect of
deals on new gear. The EC crew decided that this would also be a
suitable pre-tense for a meet, and since Laura was set to arrive in
Canada around the same time, the need to get together and get
shi*ttered was compelling. The fact that the 11th annual
SBC party was being held on the same weekend was a happy
co-incidence.
The road trip really began for me
before I even left Ottawa. I was at my friend Emily's house drinking
beers (oh wonderful Heineken) waiting for the red-eye departure time.
I made it to the bus terminal happily intoxicated with a camel back
full of Sour Puss in tow (give me a break, I needed some booze for
the bus trip and it was the only thing I could find in the liquor
cabinet that was strong and plentiful). So I met up with JC and we
got on the bus en route to the legislative capital (from the national
one).
The bus ride in itself was amusing,
between sips of Sour Puss, I took the time to flirt with the girl
sitting next to me. It must have worked because I remember her
falling asleep on me; but you can't take my word for it... I was
drunk. Upon our arrival to Toronto, I parted ways with my new friend;
slightly embarrassed that I couldn't remember her name so I didn't
press it (I wish I'd had an application form handy so I could give
her one – see “Why the Fonz Rides a Motorbike”). We got the
usual Toronto welcome: Hummers, dog shi*t (I assume dog), and profane
transients. What I didn't count on was goth kids sporting gas masks
in McDonald's. I'm not sure if those were for fashion or function
and frankly I didn't care to stick around and find out.
We later met up with Laura who was
stoked about three things since arriving in Canada: squirrels, bagels
and Roots stores. This is when I learned that in Australia, to root
means to shag. As Laura was educating me on this fact, she added
that if you ever see someone posing for a picture in front of a Roots
store, ten to one they are Australian.
The ski and snowboard show was
relatively uneventful. I did score a steezy Ronin sweater for a
deal at the show however; 60% off is none too shabby. We left before
the Nitro team showed up but offered to give fifty points to anyone
who punched Marc Frank Montoya (Snow PIG champion) in the face; there
weren't any takers.
Later that night, I met up with the
gang at the SBC party. It was a pain in the ass to get to since the
turn from Lakeshore to Cherry was closed, but once there it was good
times. We proceeded to drink, dance, watch snowboard videos and
dance some more. It was a productive night for me since I figured
out how to dance while holding three cans of beer (drinking from all
of them) without spilling... much. I got wasted pretty quickly
however; since every time I put a beer can down, someone would give
me another. I also learned that it's cold behind the bar at the
Docks; or so I would be led to believe by the waitress' nipples. I
was too drunk to hide the fact that I was ogling but I think she was
flattered (ha ha... I'm such a loser).
I had to leave the party a bit early
because I was out of money for cab fare and my ride was leaving.
Unfortunately I also broke the seal right around the same time so I
asked my buddy to pull over in Don Mills so I could pee; I updated
the rest of the EC crew via text message.
In the morning I had to fight my way
back to the waking and find my way back to the bus depot to get home
to Ottawa; I needed to either do some laundry or show up at work
naked on Monday (the second option was becoming more and more
appealing the more tired I felt). I met up with JC at the bus
terminal and we boarded the 2:30 express back to Ottawa. The bus
jumped on the Don Valley Parkway (or rather parking lot) so this
promised to be a long express trip.
No sooner had we parked on the DVP then
Carrie SMS'd me to find out how our bus trip was going. I said
“We're stuck on the DVP, Toronto traffic sucks balls.” She told
me that I should flirt with more girls on the bus and to fill her in
on all the details afterwards. This sounded like a good idea with
one notable exception, as I looked around I saw nothing but
middle-aged women and I wasn't interested in cougar hunting.
Fortunately, a closer examination of the “passenger manifest”
showed me that there were a few cute girls on the bus. I told Carrie
I'd keep her posted then promptly fell asleep.
A few hours later, we were arriving in
Tweed. Having snoozed a good part of the bus ride thus far, I hadn't
bothered trying to talk to the cute girls. At this point, the
motivation was just not there, so I picked up my phone and wrote the
following text message to Carrie: “FYI. I'm in the bathroom with
Hillary and Maria. They say hello.” Here was her reply: “Haha!
for real! i want details... Oh you're so joining the meter high club
aren't you! and a threesome. You are my idol!” This caused tw
distinct reactions in me: on the one hand I was flattered that Carrie
thought enough of me to be able to pull something like that off; on
the other hand, I was slightly disturbed by the fact that she thought
I was dirty enough to try it... come on I'm a classy guy (ha!). In
the end it became obvious that I was totally making it up since my
updates were getting more and more ridiculous (I told her Hillary was
going toset me up with her daughter).
Here's what I learned at the Toronto
Ski, Snowboard and Travel Show:
-
Hummers are lame (OK I knew this
already but as a snowboarder, global warming is an important issue
to me).
-
If someone asks you for root in
Australia, take inventory of who's asking and always wear a rain
coat.
-
Toronto traffic sucks balls.
-
I seem to have developed a certain
reputation as somewhat of a man whore. While it's flattering to
know that people think I can score with any girl I want, it's
disturbing that they also think I would have a threesome in a bus
restroom with strangers.
The beauty of mayhem is that you'll
generally learn something from it. I'm going to take the lessons
I've learned from last weekend to heart; for the next little while,
you'll find me scouring Roots store fronts for sexy Australian girls,
flipping off Hummers and talking to my image consultants about this
man-whore thing. So until next time...
Keep Shreddin' the GNAR
J.
Tags:
SBC Party,
EC Meet,
Ski, Snowboard and Travel show
Published by
jr_barns: 8:19 PM
Views: 2441
