Well it hasn't been that long since my last instalment of the (not
so daily) Daily Barns. Following a weekend with little to no
nonsense, it hit me as quickly as my alarm clock shocked me out of my
slumber on Tuesday morning (I hate waking up to go to work). I was
chillin' with my good friend Gurbir (sounds like “grr! beer” yes
that is in fact his real name) and he mentioned something that I
found rather odd. Apparently some people, whom we had met at a party
weeks before, had made the assumption that Gurbir and I were dating
(huh?). Now I'm all in favour of people wanting to be gay, but I
also don't bring my snowboard to the beach (if you know what I mean).
Apparently when you car pool with another dude to get to a party,
it's immediately assumed that your names are Neal Fitzpatrick and
Patrick Fitzneal. Personally this says to me that people need to
watch less Queer as Folk on TV.
In War and Peace, prince Vassili told Pierre not to get married
until he had nothing left to accomplish. I think Tolstoï may
have got it half right; you shouldn't get married until you've
nothing left to accomplish, or until your friends or acquaintances
start to think that you are gay (whichever comes first, like a power
train warranty). As it turns out, I fit one of the criteria, so it's
time for me to put aside my “lone wolf” hide and jump with two
feet back into the dating field (as difficult and painful as that may
be).
In that spirit, I've decided to hold open auditions for the part
of “Junior's girlfriend”. It's really a career making part so
get on it early before you miss the boat.
Junior – more than just a potential boyfriend – is a long-term
partner in crime. Junior understands that his most valuable asset is
his unique perspective on life that often acts as a lightning rod for
hilarity – and his friends know this too.
Junior is currently seeking an adventurous and caring
romance-engineer to join his team. Reporting to the director of
lovin', your primary responsibilities include:
-
Providing moral support to any and all nut-ball endeavours.
-
Supporting pre-intimacy and post-intimacy.
-
Understanding the intimate stage of each opportunity based on
daily intimacy support activities.
-
Discussing and ensuring full understanding of expectations to
provide accurate and realistic relationship goals.
-
Providing regular communication to Junior on project progress
status.
As a successful candidate, you will recognize the humour in this
blog post. You bring a proactive approach that treats problems as
opportunities to learn and improve. You believe in treating Junior
with respect and keeping the relationship fun.
If you see yourself in this exciting and dynamic opportunity and
you share or appreciate Junior's sense of humour, sense of respect
and commitment – please apply online or send your resume and cover
letter in confidence to the following below. Online applications are
preferred and are reviewed daily.
Jerks-R-Us C/O Arthur Fonzarelli
Happy Days, California, USA
123 (o'clock) 4 (o'clock rock)
Get those applications in the mail ladies (it's sad that I have to
specify ladies but if you've read this far, you understand why); this
is one snowboarder with a job that will surely be snatched up soon.
Only promising candidates will be contacted. So until you hear from
me...
Keep Shreddin' the GNAR!
J.
Tags:
Want to be Junior\'s girlfriend?,
People think I\'m gay
Published by
jr_barns: 7:16 AM
Views: 799
