This instalment
of the Daily Barns discusses the subject of cougar hunting and the
pitfalls that may be involved in performing this activity. This
study is purely anecdotal but I'll try to
generalize as much as possible to propose a
set of guidelines to maintain some modicum of safety and sanity when
hunting (well there's still a big question mark on the whole sanity
thing on account of the even bigger question mark on MY sanity;
but I digress).
The week before last I was invited to
one of these singles mixer type events. I wasn't particularly
keen on going but I figured that a) I might meet someone interesting
and b) at the very least, I might get a good story out of it.
The event took place on the Thursday so my buddy Gurbir and I made
our way to the Aulde Dubliner (the pub hosting the event) with weapons of ass destruction in hand.
Having seen the guest list for this event, we quickly realized
that we would likely be the youngest people there. So we
decided that the best strategy would be to use our youth as cougar
bait; I think the plan worked.
It only took about 15 minutes
for the first "interesting" encounter to take place.
I was already on my second pint of beer (I was worried about being
bored). This woman, claiming to be
35, but I'm sure is at least a few years old than that (or has done
some pretty serious drugs in her life), came up to us and started
chatting. That's when we found out that she used the guest list
to build files on all the men in the joint (she even knew that I'm a
snowboarding instructor, and even though it's not exactly a national
secret, it's still creepy). She used these files extensively
instead of asking us questions which was weird. The longer this
conversation went on, the more we realized
that this woman was bat shi*t insane ... AWESOME! We eventually
sent her away by convincing her to go sign up for the raffle
for free beer. Speaking of beer, my glass was empty so it was
time to go order another pint.
Once at the bar, I started talking to
another girl. Unlike the previous one, she didn't seem insane
and was genuinely quite interesting. A few minutes into the
conversation however, I get a tap on my shoulder. The president
of the company I work for was at this event and decided to come over
and chat. "Did you know I'm single?" she asked.
"It's not really the kind of question you think of asking the
president", I said. Having now established her
relationship status, we came to the conclusion that I might run into
her at some of these things. Now I'm sure that some of you
might see how this could be awkward, which is exactly how I felt at
first. This turned out to be a blessing though because now I
have the President helping me pick up girls. This is fantastic, the president is my wingman, I must have
done a backside 5 under a lucky star or something. I think I'm gonna
go to a few more of these between now and the start of the
snowboarding season.
Singles mixers are highly entertaining
and often cheaper than a movie. I recommend attending these
events for the sheer awesomeness factor of it all. Here are a
few things to keep in mind if you do:
- Beware
of bat shi*t insane cougars. They are dangerous, especially if
well organized. On the other hand,
they can be really fun to mess with.
- If at all possible, get the
president to be your wingman. It will greatly elevate your
status and serves as a great deterrent for
the afore mentioned "bat shi*t insane" cougars.
Keeping
these things in mind when going on your own cougar hunting
excursion will greatly increase the probability of fun and zaniness. Besides, I wouldn't want any misfortune
to befall you before the first snow fall preventing you from doing
those oh so precious first rides. So until next time,
Keep
shreddin' the GNAR!
J.
Tags:
Cougar hunting
Published by
jr_barns: 6:22 PM
Views: 385
