My Default Blog
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Ok, let's just get down to nitty gritty (or as gritty as I can get): I've been watching horrible movies lately. So, here's my reviews of horrible movies that you should avoid at all cost, unless suicide is on your top list or you are just really bored. But if you're that bored to watch this mindless pap, you should consider if you really have anything to live for. I kid, I kid. A little.
I will say that just because these movies are horrible, this does not mean I didn't like some of them...just a note...
JUMPER
Jumper is not really a serious, feature film. It barely qualifies as a film. But I enjoyed it, for all it's flaws. It's the kind of movie you watch at 2 AM on TNT when you're up on a boring Friday in April. Bonus points for Samuel L. Jackson, who amazingly is not tired of playing The Angry Black Man in every movie, and for that wooden actor from Star Wars, for doing something different in every film (but yet always acting the same.)
Grade: C-
THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES
I'm not a fantasy. Yeah, I read Lord of the Rings, but I skipped many parts of the book (mostly boring elven songs). I do like the Hobbit. Best fantasy book ever written. But this movie? Nah.
Three things I can't stand in films: kids saving the world, divorce sub-plot, and the always tiresome situation that I call the "But I Swear!" cliche'. How does this work? You know in every movie where a kid sees something and nobody believes him, and he spends the whole movie trying to prove it but stuff keeps getting in the way? Some call that "delayed tension", I call this "annoying boredom."
Spiderwick has all three of these, plus ridiculous fantasy elements that are too scary for young children, and too goofy for everyone else. I should have watched Step Up 2 the Streets instead. At least there's dancing, and the fantasy is funner anyway.
My Grade: D
MR. MAGORIUM'S WONDER EMPORIUM
One word: dreadful.
Only watch it if you enjoy getting kicked in the head repeatedly and spit on by tobacco chewers.
My Grade: F
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Tags:movie, reviews, honest, critic, snowboarding, alaska, blogs, blog, films, review, jumper, spiderwick
Published by insaneintheshane: 10:40 PM
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Tuesday, January 29, 2008
I was saddened to hear of Heath Ledger's death. He wasn't my favorite actor or anything, but I had noticed that recently he was expanding his film roles to an amazing degree. From Bob Dylan to the Joker in the upcoming Batman film to a confused cowboy to the infamous Casanova, Ledger was all over the map.
I remember watching A Knight's Tale recently, and seeing Ledger before he became A-List famous. He looked eager and young, but you could see that he was really trying to capture a decent performance, and he succeeded. You see the same thing in the Mel Gibson film The Patriot, Ledger bringing depth to what could have been a shallow, one note characted. Ten Things I Hate About You? Same exact thing.
His final film performance will be in the new Batman film The Dark Knight. With buzz that his performance will eclipse Jack Nicholson's iconic interpretation, maybe we will finally see just how good he really was.
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Tags:Heath, Ledger, snowboarding, contemplative, life, death, celebrity, news, current, event, dude, brah, man, crazy, essay, thoughts, deep
Published by insaneintheshane: 7:19 PM
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Saturday, December 29, 2007
As I write, I feel sick. I probably am sick. I'm not sure, however, because I am not a doctor and only doctor's actually know who's sick or not. I know this because a doctor told me.
Being sick isn't fun. I'm spending my time watching movies, reading books, and surfing the internet. It's not fun at all. It's horribly unfun. I watched the Simpsons Movie TWICE, I repeat, Twice, in a day! Talk about rough!
Using a sophisticated diagnosis diagram and visual helper, I will show you which stage of sickness I am in.
I am not this sick. I am not yet green, and my nose has not swolen to that size (not yet, anyway)
Now, I feel more like this. However, I am not an Anime character, and life is not in black and white. I do draw, however.
I also feel a little like this, except I am a guy and never married a dead rock singer. Plus, I would never play in a band called Hole.
Totally absurd and off the subject! I don't wear a watch.
So, that about sums up me being sick. I gotta go lie down.
Cheers!
Friday, November 16, 2007
Just want to say, the new I'm Not There film about Bob Dylan is coming out on November 21st...looks good...very good.
Monday, September 10, 2007
DESERT SONG
There's a man in the desert all alone,
he walks all around without a thought.
Goes on the path of a bird that's flown,
never a passion, a thing that's sought.
Seven horses run through the night,
the desert mile is a marathon.
Their strenghth dies, their legs give flight,
they lie hearing the wanderer's song.
I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps
I don't know why nobody told you
How to unfold your love
I don't know how someone controlled you
They bought and sold you
I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps
I don't know how you were diverted
You were perverted too
I don't know how you were inverted
No one alerted you
I look from the wings at the play you are staging
While my guitar gently weeps
As I'm sitting here doing nothing but aging
Still my guitar gently weeps
You got a lotta nerve
To say you are my friend
When I was down
You just stood there grinning
You got a lotta nerve
To say you got a helping hand to lend
You just want to be on
The side that's winning
You say I let you down
You know it's not like that
If you're so hurt
Why then don't you show it
You say you lost your faith
But that's not where it's at
You had no faith to lose
And you know it
I know the reason
That you talk behind my back
I used to be among the crowd
You're in with
Do you take me for such a fool
To think I'd make contact
With the one who tries to hide
What he don't know to begin with
You see me on the street
You always act surprised
You say, "How are you?" "Good luck"
But you don't mean it
When you know as well as me
You'd rather see me paralyzed
Why don't you just come out once
And scream it
No, I do not feel that good
When I see the heartbreaks you embrace
If I was a master thief
Perhaps I'd rob them
And now I know you're dissatisfied
With your position and your place
Don't you understand
It's not my problem
I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
And just for that one moment
I could be you
Yes, I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is
To see you
Monday, February 19, 2007
A simple man of longing slipped into a dream of seas,
He rushed and paddled the boat of amber down to the land of cheese,
The land of cheese was smelly and tasty, with trees that were made of crackers,
He hopped off his boat to smell the roses, they smelt of old firecrackers.
After he smelt it he decided to stroll up across the Platypus Lane,
He walked and he talked and he tripped and he slipped and he fell and he felt no pain,
He got himself up then noticed a house that was built by the ancients before,
They had used it awhile, played checkers and left, they just couldn't stand it no more.
The simple man of longing thought that the house was quite nice,
"However", he thought, "it seems quite odd that they'd build it of rice",
"I mean really", he thought, "what if it rains? The house just might fall down."
A second passed, the house collapsed, the man then saw some clowns.
The clowns demolished the house of Ancients because it was a job,
To blow it up pies, shoes and wax were all used by the slobs,
The man just laughed and kicked up his shoes, continued on his way,
Loving the sights of whale sized pears being grown on by the bay.
By the bay there was a garden of brightly onion rows,
Purple pink checkerboard patterns were put upon the skins,
The man touched them then screwed them in- A light became aglow!
"Of course," he figured "they're onion bulbs that light the path within…"
So now this simple man of longing in his sea of dreams,
Was taken away all at once by the winds of leaves,
He blinked and looked, around he was on a bed of seams,
He realized that he had been in a dreamy weave.
Hey everyone, I just read Angela's Ashes, and it is the best book I've read all year. Without a doubt. Read it now!
jackass the movie two is coming out! Hooray! I can't wait...Hmm...I don't have anything else to write, but before I go (I have to check my stocks...really, I do) I'll say Goodbye and you'll say Hello...peace...
I just found my dog dead under a bus. She was 13 years old, and I knew her my whole life.
I made this film and I hope you like it. It's only 2 minutes long, so no worries about downloading or whatever, eh?
Who came up with the word "blog"? It was probably some dude named blog or something who didn't wan't people making fun of his name so he named this thing after himself...or something...
Monday, November 28, 2005
Ya know, here's my question: What can I write in my blogs? It's similar to asking the question "Where can I get a good frisbee?" It's not only something that's kind of lame to ask, it's something you shouldn't ask period. I have never liked blogs. I find that they have a "desperate, lonely, have a lot of free time, will pay for companionship" kind of feel to them, and they give off the feeling your reading someone's personal thoughts. Well, your reading mine, but this is supposed to be humor, even if it isn't funny. When I read blogs, I find it's not the people's blogs that are sad, it's the people who have time to read these things. I always feel like I hit a new low when I spend my time reading someone's comments on how they had fun skiing or whatever. The point is, there a lot of weirdos on the internet, even though there are also, in this day and age, normal people who do surf the web (it took years of offering free money on the internet to acheive this). So, remember, If they ask for your state, ok. If they ask for your town, maybe. If they ask for you number or adress, either say no, or find out theirs then beat them up. Oh, before you do that, learn kung-fu. That helps. So, As I leave my blog today contemplate my questions, and if you really wanna do one, do it. But remember, only losers do blogs. But wait, I just wrote this piece in my blog so that makes me...ok, anyways, peace out, and if you rip off these words I'll sue you till there's no end in sight. Alright, Later. Shane the Blog Guy (who isn't a loser. actually, cool people write blogs. So he's cool. Seriously)
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