No, I am not gay. Here is the scenario. My Mom, Dad and sister all live in Winnipeg. My Mom wants to move out here with my sister this summer. My dad will stay in Winnipeg and run the family business..etc. Neither parent wants to sell the house they have in Winnipeg. Therefore, my mom is asking me to sell my condo and buy a house so we can all live together. Here is the problem. I don't want to live with them. I like my space. I don't want somebody asking me where I am going, or why I am still awake, or why I am wearing the same shirt for 6 days...etc I am finding it increasingly hard to tell her 'No'. I mean she is my mother, and she did everything in her power to help me who I am today. How do you tell somebody that is your parent that you don't want them to live with you, or that you won't buy a house they can stay in. Im 26 years old and want to start my life soon. I want my own family. I was thinking that I could just give them my money and they could buy a place, but then that leaves me SOL since houses here start at around 900k. I'll have to rent while they enjoy the benefits of a home of there own. It's a tricky situation and there are alot of feelings involved. I've thought about it for hours, days, weeks and am still at a lost. Any advice?

It's simple; It's your life, live it how you want to.

Ya.. it'll be hard, but you have to just tell her that. You moved away and have been living on your own, and I can't imagine that your mom wouldn't understand that your plans don't involve "living with my mom" anymore..

Its pretty fucking simple you grow a pair called balls and tell her NO!  Its not that hard.

I can understand why this might be giving you some issues, I have a couple of friends that are really close to their families and lived with them far into their 20s.  Granted in both situations the ground rules were laid down and the parents actually respected my friends boundaries etc and acted more like roommates than parents.  But the fact of the matter is that no matter how good the situation is, your roommates are your parents.  Do you want them to hear the loud sex?  Or walking in on you jerking off?  Asking you why you called in sick to work when all your going to do is lie around all day and jerk off before having really loud sex?  I don't have to go back to living with my parents to know how bad that would suck, even with the best intentions behing the arrangement.  Parents will always be parents and you can't expect them to completely stay out of your life if your living with them.  Especially when your calling in sick to work just to jerk off.

Like everyone says, just say no and tell them its probably for the best if you want to continue having a good relationship with your parents...especially if life goes south and you have to move back in with them

[Edited by Perpetual3am on 27/03/2008 at 9:09 AM]

You should just tell her that you are gay and that you are ok living with her, if she is ok with your erotic sex parties.

Thanks for all the advice.
[Edited by Beat_Junkie on 3/27/2008 at 11:40 AM]

she actually WANTS to spend time in vancouver?

I think the best argument would be that you haven't even been in the same province as her for 9 years, and it would be a HUGE and sudden change to have her and your sister suddenly living with you.. she can still catch up living near you. It's not like she paid and co-signed etc with the exception of "if I ever decide to come live here, you have to turn your life upside down to please me"

Posted by Beat_Junkie
Thanks for all the advice.

Why don't I just tell her no?

Cause my mom paid for my school (4 years). She paid my rent for the first 2 of those years, and she co-signed my first mortgage.

She has done everything in her power to help me succeed in life.

Her plan is to stay here for the Winters, and back home for the summers. I moved to Vancouver when I was 17. Im 26 now. She feels like she missed a huge part of me growing up. She doesn't want to miss anymore. 

[Edited by Beat_Junkie on 3/27/2008 at 11:40 AM]

Posted by Mowgli613

Posted by Beat_Junkie
Thanks for all the advice.

Why don't I just tell her no?

Cause my mom paid for my school (4 years). She paid my rent for the first 2 of those years, and she co-signed my first mortgage.

She has done everything in her power to help me succeed in life.

Her plan is to stay here for the Winters, and back home for the summers. I moved to Vancouver when I was 17. Im 26 now. She feels like she missed a huge part of me growing up. She doesn't want to miss anymore. 

[Edited by Beat_Junkie on 3/27/2008 at 11:40 AM]

 

I think the thing to tell her is that over the last decade you've become accustomed to a certain level of independence that you really can't have living with your family. Think about how many parents are trying to kick out children your age, it just doesn't work living with the folks after a certain point.

Posted by Beat_Junkie
Thanks for all the advice.

Why don't I just tell her no?

Cause my mom paid for my school (4 years). She paid my rent for the first 2 of those years, and she co-signed my first mortgage.

She has done everything in her power to help me succeed in life.

Her plan is to stay here for the Winters, and back home for the summers. I moved to Vancouver when I was 17. Im 26 now. She feels like she missed a huge part of me growing up. She doesn't want to miss anymore. 

[Edited by Beat_Junkie on 3/27/2008 at 11:40 AM]

Cut the fucking cord already.

It's great that your mom was a good parent, but you don't owe her anything.  Sounds like you may need to distance yourself for a while.

Posted by HATER_PLAYER
she actually WANTS to spend time in vancouver?

Wait... Not everyone wants to live here?

Posted by tooscoops

heh... i love how harsh el is on this one... not everyone had the same upbringing... some people are close to their parents and actually respect them!  heh... i have no idea what type of relationship you may have with your parents avran, but i know if something happened to my parents where i would have to do womething like this for them, i'd be torn as well. 

 

this situation is too hard to give you answers before knowing the whole thing... so she wants to live 6 months one place and six in another?... does she work or is she retired?  really, either way, maybe you can help her rent a place for a month or two each year so you guys can be close... basically, say you really think it would be bad financial judgment getting out of your condo now and that you'd be happy to help out finding them a place for the rest of them for a few months each year.

 

the problem she has is that shes trying to make up for lost time... can't blame her, but the problem is that you can't regress to re-live those times that you missed, you just have to find a way to get close again as the people you have both grown into.

I'll bend over backwards for my parents, but if it means sacrificing walking around naked eating nacho's off my chest, that shit just doesn't fly.