Scoring the ladies guide for the anonymous reader:
As endorsed by Dr. Phil.
1) Lift arm.
2) Extend it outwards to your side.
3) Bend elbow 90 degrees.
4) Lift other arm.
5) making and pointing signal with your hand from step 4.
6)Aim arm from 4 & 5 at arm from 1,2,3.
7) Hold position.
8) Assume the position. *
9)Open mouth.
10) Ask aloud, "Do you know whats wrong with this picture?"
11) DON'T allow a response.
12) Quickly follow up statement from step 10 with step 13.
13) Say, "My arm needs a shoulder to rest on ."
14) Quickly perform a "Hail Mary" play. **
15) Put sunglasses on (you'll need them.)
16) Apply steps 1-3 on her shoulder.
17) Use hand from steps 4-7 to cup crotch as she sprays you in the face with mace.
18) Move hand after her attempt to punch you in the groin fails.
19) Use hand to cover stomach.
20) Perform and charleston dance manuever so she can't step on your feet. ***
21) Walk away to get a glass of water.
22) Pat youself on the back for performing one of the worst pickup attempts of all time.
23) Run from her boyfriend.
*If you are unfamiliar with the position entitled "assume the position." Then you will need to purchase the guidebook or audiobook "Sticking It To The Man" by Martha Stewart for 3 payments of 39.99.
** If you are unfamiliar with the technique entitled "Hail Mary" you will need to purchase the life documentary "The Chicago Bears were nothing without me, and are back to nothing without me!!!" by Mike Ditka. (Pricing may vary.)
*** If you are uncoordinated and wish you could dance better... or at least perform this dance manuever -- purchase the dance-workout video "Pop/Lock to C-Walk" by world renown choreographer Wade Johnson for 70$ on Ebay.com.
