Have you ever had one of those conversations with someone, and then after thinking about some of the things that where said something clicks your whole life seems to make sense again?
So yup, it's come to me.. i've figured out why this year isn't working for me. It's a combination of a bunch of crap... but mostly, it's me not being ready to deal with it all. I'm not ready to be responsible for 176 kids. If it was my own class, even if it was 30 of them, i could handle it.. but I am too naive to be dealing with the problems of 176 kids. And because of my age they all find it easy to talk to me. I know too much.. i have had to do too much documentation for CAS, I have to talk to too many parents who threaten me, and I have come to school too many days when the windows have been shot out. I'm still in my young having fun phase.. i'm still too selfish to have to put them first every minute of everyday. I can't do it... I spent so much of the past couple years trying to put me first, it's hard to let go of that. I know this makes it sound like I am being selfish, but really it's the opposite. I can't give the kids all they need, want, and deserve right now, and that's not being fair to them. I'm going to finish this year off doing the best that I can, and then i'll rethink it in Feb when new applications go out.
wow, if you actually read all of this.. i heart you! tehehe
