What is Love?
Current mood: 
distressed
Love...is it overrated? or is it underrated?
i believe that most people find that it is overrated, but let me speak! I found love, in the eyes and arms of my husband. Even after a painful heart break or two, he came to me in the mists of dispair and misery. He lifted me above the dark abyss and led me to safety when i would have jumped. Death was so welcoming, as I groped for a chance to stay alive. Half of me was torn down into deep hate and regret, and everyother bad feeling ever known to man, while the other half was fighting for air, trying not to drown in the loss and the hurt. Nothing hurts like a lost love, but at least I had that short time with him. Even if I was to lose my husband tonight, I would survive with the hope of finding another love, another to care, and with the love of my family and my friends. I have faith that they and God will not let me down. I wasted so much of my life in depression, that I missed out on many happy moments and happy memories...I was too wrapped up in my sorrow to care about others' joy. I was too blind to notice that my aloofness was hurting the one's I held closest and dearest to my heart. For this I would like to say..."Mom, Dad, Daniel, and all the many others that I have hurt, I am eternally sorry for the misery I so unknowingly put you through. It was unnecessary pain and unneeded worrying. As you can see, I am better now. Thank you for your support through those times that only you will know about. Please forgive me."
Now that I have released that burden, let me continue by saying that love is not only something found once. I found love in the welcoming arms of two men. For the sake of my marriage, I will not say who the first and only other true love I found, but I will say that I will not forget what he meant to me and how he led me to become the woman that I have become and that I am still growing into. Only a select few will know of whom I speak...and I hope that I have not already said too much to let him know who he is. But I thank him everyday that I remember what he has contributed to my life.
Sure, the pain is horrendous, but, well, better to have loved and lost right? After all, the pain is a growth, the shaping of who we have been and who we will be. All of those we have lost will never be forgotton, but even still, we need to move on, if not for our health's sake. Dwelling on the past will bring pain, unnecessary hurt that can be forgotton. I don't want to forget the boyfriends and the hurt and the depression, but I also don't want to live on a dream that I think might come true. Every princess dreams of her prince, and believe it or not, every prince dreams of his princess, but few realize that the one they dream about may be the girl/boy next door. I have known my husband for over fourteen years, and I am only eighteen now. And I never lost sight of Tyler from the moment I realized that I liked him. I'm not sure when that like progressed into love, and who knows...maybe it hasn't. Maybe, I made a misake in getting married. I often feel that I threw myself into something I really didn't want to do. Howver, that may just be the negativity of my family, telling me that I only got married to get out of my parent's house. To an extent, that is true, but I have always loved my mom, my dad, and espcially my brother. I regret daily not getting to watch him bring his first girlfriend home, letting him cry on my shoulders when it ended badly, and getting to stand up for him in high school. That is one thing I have dreamed about since I was little. I love my brother, and I want the best for him. And if someone hurts him unduly, then I will jump in the car, drive to Perryton, and stand up for him just like any other loving older sibling would. I am one of the few lucky ones in this circumstance, but that is a different story.
My point is, there are times that I want to take it all back and move back into my father's house. I'll take all of the yelling, the punishment and the emotional abuse and live with it like I should have. I grew up way too fast, and I don't recommend it. It truely sux. I hate having bills, house payments, loan payments, repairs, and everything that I have to watch for...seeing as I am now a "house" wife. Love is not only an emotional feeling, but a bond between two people, and this is what so many do not understand. It's not sexual attraction, it's not that feeling you get when you think of a person, but it is the great vastness of your feelings for a person, usually of the opposite sex. These feelings go beyond a quickening of the heart, clammy hands, shaky knees. It is the greatest gift that God could give to two people. It is not Lust, it is not Sex; it is simply what God says it is...it is loving, kind, and every word.(i can't think of them all right now) It is the feeling you get when he/she smiles, laughs, kisses you, hugs you, and even the way they get mad at you. Lucky for me, I have experienced this great feeling twice, and lost once, but I did not give up...I found another.
Add/View Comments (0)
