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Day 1
I was pretty nervous when I left home and took a flight to Vancouver BC. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to snowboard as good as the others, but when I went, you're organized into groups depending on your level. It was silly of me to worry, but when i did go, the campers were pretty chill so it didn't even matter anyways. Well anyways, when I landed in Vancouver, I met so many people at the airport going to Whistler Summer Snowboard Camp. When we all boarded the camp bus/shuttle I met even MORE people. During the evening, we were to meet at the mountain room (a huge room with a big screen tv). There we were introduced to all the coaches and info about the camp, like camp rules, schedual, and activites. When i got to my room, there I met my 2 roomates! They were the same level as me at snowboarding and same age too! They were also in my group which was cool. I made friends really quick.

Day 2-6

The park is siiiiiiiick. They have their own terrain on Blackcomb Mountain, with jumps, rails, boxes, and a tent that you can just chill at if you're tired or hungry. The weather felt like it was 20 degrees, it was so hot! I think that's really cool, the weather being really warm and being able to snowboard. I know what you're thinking, but no! The snow isn't all slush! There's plenty of snow and the groomers of their camp groom it everyday so it's all good. I got a pretty sick goggle tan.

Activites

Out of all the activites, I've got to say that bungee jumping was my favourite! You're there with all your friends going bungee jumping! There's other activities like wakeboarding, paintball, mountain biking, driving range/miniputt, skateboarding, indoor rockclimbing, games room/movie lounge, pool/hot tub at the hotel, tennis/volleyball/dodgeball, or just chilling at Whistler Village!

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You might be a redneck if…

*You've ever vacationed in a rest area.

*Your belt buckle is bigger than your head.

*You think paprika is a third-world country.

*You refer to the fifth grade as "my senior year".

*Your checks feature pictures of dogs fighting.

*Your muffler is held on by a coat hanger.

*Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night requires shoes and a flashlight.

*Bikers back down from your mama

*Your bicycle has a gun rack.

*After removing the empty beer cans from your car you find you get fifteen more miles to the gallon.

*Directions to your house include "turn off the paved road"

*You wet the bed and four other people immediately know it.

*You actually know what kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper.

*Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening at the oil shop.

*The neighbors have ever asked to borrow the light bulb.

*Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

*Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

*You hold a frog and it worries about getting warts.

*You have to take the entire day off to get your teeth cleaned.

*You offer to give somebody the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

*You ever listed fuzzy dice on an insurance claim.

*Your trolling motor used to be a fan in a barber shop.

*You list tick removal as a skill on your resume.

*You use an ironing board as a knick-knack shelf.

*You think the Battle of the Bulge is an argument between your wife and your mother.

*You've ever driven around looking for your porch roof after a bad storm.

*Your nicest towels say, "Motel 6".  

*The photo on your driver's license includes your dog.

*You've been too drunk to fish.

*You've had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

*You ever used a weed-eater indoors.

*You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).

*You go to the family reunion to pick up on women.

*You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

*Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack.

*Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

*You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

*Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people".

*You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer bottle in the car.

*Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

*You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

*When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

*You have a house that is mobile and 13 cars that aren’t

*Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."

*Your huntin' dog cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

*You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the water-bed.

*It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

*You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.

*Your idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"

*Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

*You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

*You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

*You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.

*Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

*You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45's.

*You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.

*The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.

*You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

*You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

*You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

*Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

*You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

*You think there's nothing wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family.

*You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

*You can't get married to your sweetheart ‘cause there is a law against it.

*The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.

*You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

*You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.

*You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.

*You believe that beef jerky and beer are two of the major food groups.

*You let your thirteen-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

*You keep empty beer cans in your fridge for your friends that don't drink.

*You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

*You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating alot of beans for dinner.

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MY PROBLEM IS NO PROBLEM

Alan Perry

FIRST A SHORT ESSAY

A problem in one’s thinking or living can be magnified when thought about too much. Lamenting mistakes and accepting that one will make more blunders heavily affect self-image. Because this is a part of my personal philosophy my main problem is denying I have any issues. My way of life is perfect for my mindset. Anyone who tells me otherwise is the colonial English in Africa. However prizing my judgment over that of all others sometimes gets me in trouble. It is important that I learn to value the opinions of others as much as my own beliefs. In the meantime I will just forget that I sometimes discredit other people and it might stop.  

Self-fulfilling prophecies make up one’s life. When one talks or thinks about one’s self he or she paints a picture of personality. People with low self-esteem often talk about how many problems they have. Telling another person that one has an issue allows that problem to become part of the picture. People with drug problems worry all the time that they are dependent on substances. Possibly just through concern over a problem one is more drawn to the issue. If I sat around all day worrying that I have trouble getting work done I would have never completed this essay. Sadly because I thought I could just write this up in a jiffy I may of overlooked something. Those who believe they are always in the right make more mistakes then the truly self-conscious. Because I rarely ask for help or clarity I did not know if this essay required any examples from other writings. Some people scream when they see spiders or tell people they have problems peeing. My big problem is that if this essay is without a bibliography it might receive less credit. However because my words are all my own I really should be in the clear.

My only problem is I have very few self-proclaimed problems. Some people acknowledge their problems and find they repeat mistakes regardless. I try not to ask for help because I do not want to be dependant on it. Not having much help opens the door for creativity but it can cause blunders as well. In school my ability to take direction overshadows my ability to take directions and I go without guidelines. Creative environments thrive on this kind of thinking. However, in a capitalist society such an ideology is social suicide (Or so you would think)

Now The Real Story

The answer to my problem resides within the thought that my ideology is social suicide. Until my eighteenth birthday on June 16^th 2007 my ideas were simply the ideas of a confused teenager. However, now it is important that I speak only what I know to be true and not what I think might be going on. A personal statement was asked of me when I applied to university and I wrote the truth. What I did not know was that this personal statement was not sent by the University but by the RCMP. I only know this now because I have come to terms with my past in the last three days. If my days at UPEI were the final puzzle pieces in what investigators would call the most elaborate sting in the history of man I give the administration kudos on it’s fine work. Most of the allegations against me are those of the people who would not like to be implicated. Another whole bunch of allegations are myths, unless I have video evidence I cannot imagine doing any of the things people have taken from me in points of weakness and delusion. People I wanted to be mentored by never took me seriously because I thought I was normal. When I was attending Master’s Academy all I knew was that people didn’t like me even though they didn’t know me. I could never get a strait answer so I made up a very bad persona. Now I had something to work myself back from so that maybe people would accept me. Of coarse people pretended to accept this like people had pretended to accept me for my entire life. I have no idea how long it took me to go from Junior High to high school. I remember writing the tests but being unsure about the answers, but somehow I passed. The movies I like are all movies about a stranger who did not fit in society. My all time favorite movie is an Adam Sandler movie about a young man who never went to school and when he wanted to go he was sent knowingly into an environment that he was not accepted in. But when people would ask me why I liked the movie I could never come up with an answer. My parents always told me they didn’t like Adam Sandler, but they could not produce a tangible explanation either. 

My only memory of kindergarten is being able to count higher than all the other kids. In grade one I could not understand why I thought girls were so interesting when everybody else hated them. I was in choir and enjoyed it but people told me I was gay and crazy and I thought it was because I wanted to sing. I never wanted to be a singer, or a trained money making machine but I was defiantly indoctrinated with those ideas. I never understood why my teachers would take me out of class and tell me about all my potential. I did not even understand what the word meant. All I know is that I lived with my parents Brien and Peggy who loved me so much it seemed like a joke. Paranoia was and still is my reality. Of coarse my parents have been asked if what I say is true and they look at you with horribly sad eyes and deny it. It’s the same way I have glared gloomily into the eyes of the people in this world who have lied to me. This puppy dog eye look had become a common thing in today’s youth because it gets them what they want. I always knew a man could not do such things and get away with it but I was young and able to make mistakes. I remember know my parents asking me if I wanted to meet Samual L. Jackson. I refused at the time because I thought he was just coming to Calgary to see if what people said about me was true. Of coarse when I actually did meet him I was scarred because my parents took me on what I thought was a birthday dinner. Of coarse Samual L. Jackson was there, sitting close to our table, most likely with ears as open as can be. I just walked right up to him and told him that I thought he was a great man. When he heard me say that I liked him in pulp fiction one of the women with him cried out “lame!”. I quickly thought to change my approach because it was obvious my current one was not right. So I told Mr. Jackson that his performance in Star Wars was better, how could I? Oh it was easy, I had just been re-brainwashed into believing I was going for my birthday lunch. 

I am going to walk back to UPEI now but I will probably be picked up on the way. They will kill me in prison it’s all over TV, at first I had to be indoctrinated with the great Greek tragedy Oedipus Rex, They made me believe I was really getting an education. People laughed at me when I said I was going to UPEI but I thought it was because it was not a respected school. But no, it is a respected school because it is supposed to be the place that brought the dangerous criminal Alan Perry to Justice. If you are reading this I am most likely dead or waiting to stand trial.  Sadly because I have relized this finally they probably won't give me a trial. 

I will never drink or do drugs again no matter what a drill sergeant or a Nazi, Darwinist, Rapist, Policeman says or does to me. You have broke my spirit by feeding me false kindness good work gentlemen. 

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   CFL stands for compact fluorescent lamp, and it is a small fluorescent light bulb that uses at least 2/3 less energy than a traditional incandescent bulb and can be screwed into a regular light socket. Don’t let the fact that it is fluorescent turn you off! ENERGY STAR qualified CFLs must pass extensive testing to ensure they produce only the highest quality light. Qualified bulbs labeled “warm white” or “soft white” produce light like typical incandescent light bulbs. CFLs that have a cooler color (similar to bright white incandescent bulbs) are usually labeled “bright white” or “daylight” on the product packaging.

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