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Late in the season, a common pastime among snowboarders is the infamous gaper hunt. After witnessing this activity in various places, I've been struggling with a very important question: what is the proper pronunciation of the word “gaper”. Everyone seems to have their own take on it and I'd like to take a little time to investigate the etymology of the word.

Conventional wisdom would have you look to a word's spelling to get an idea of how to pronounce it. Using this logic, the most obvious answer for the proper pronunciation is gey-per. If we look to the definition of a gaper, however, we're led to believe that the pronunciation doesn't follow standard english syntatical expectations.

It's like the ghosts of christmas past, present and future.

The Urban Dictionary defines a gaper as:

... a skier or snowboarder who is completely clueless. Usually distinguished by bright colored clothes and a gaper gap -- the gap between the goggles and a helmet/hat. Gaper's are known to do the "Gaper Tuck" which is an attempt at being a ski racer by tucking, however, it is done incorrectly with the poles sticking straight up like thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening! Gapers also sit at the bottom of jumps and try and go big off table tops in the park.

From this definition, we're led to believe that the term gaper has its roots in the description of the gap for which they are known. From this, one would assume that the correct pronunciation of the word is in fact gap-per. So the confusion is understandable when trying to figure out how to properly pronounce the term.

The Urban Dictionary, however, also provides another definition for the word GAPER as “an acronym that stand[s] for Guaranteed Accident Prone on Every Run.” This definition has no reference to the distinctive gaper gap which seems to be one of the roots of the word. If we rely on this definition, there is no need to break the rules of syntax and the word can be pronounced gey-per.

Gaper in Other Contexts

The word gaper also has meanings in other contexts. Wikipedia describes gapers as stone heads, often depicting a black man, located on the fronts of buildings in the Netherlands to indicate that these building are pharmacies. The gaper represents the assistant of the travelling apothecary who was the forefather of the modern pharmacist. This assistant would pretend to be a sick man only to miraculously feel better (and perform a dance) after taking the pill given to him by the apothecary. So in the Netherlands, the word Gaper is somewhat representative of a charlatan. This relates to the modern definition of the word since gaper's in ski resorts will often profess to a higher degree of skill than they actually have. This doesn't help in the search for the correct pronunciation of the word, however, since I don't speak the Dutch language.

The simplest definition of a gaper that I have found so far, is “a person or thing that gapes”¹. This definition actually provides a phonetic spelling for the word, which is in fact gey-per, as one would expect. This description also agrees with the more colloquial definition of the word as gapers are often seen in the middle of Whistler Village, in their rear-entry boot and neon one-piece glory, gaping at the scenery through the lense of a camera (that is when they aren't seen as a streak of neon laying down wide carves on the cat track).

The Verdict

Following this long and arduous Google search, I think the question of the pronunciation of the word gaper can finally be laid to rest. I motion that the correct pronunciation heretofore be gey-per; don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If they insist on pronouncing it gap-per, refer them to this study which should convince them that they are wrong-headed. Although this study cannot be considered complete by any stretch of the imagination, I'm pretty confident that it is the most in-depth investigation into the etymology of the word gaper that you'll be able to find (I'm not sure if that makes me sad or proud).

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We had a few captains, one that was actually navigating the Tahoe Gal, and another whom is our fearless leader, Chappy. We had ladies in lovely 70’s evening attire with furs coats, heels and gold clutches, we had gentlemen in sweaters and action slacks, I do have to say that Burton's Nor Cal rep Trevor Patterson had on a wonderful mustard yellow sweater, and needless to say there were a few Hawaiian shirts and boat shoes! Michelle Parker who is on the Porters team as well as the K2 skis team and Orage was there with some very stylish Vans boat shoes. The outfits of the evening went to Lars our web guy who showed up with two outfits and Aaron Gaines, our warehouse manager who showed up with three things! Notice how I didn’t say three outfits, take a gander at the pictures below and see if you can figure it out.

The Tahoe Gal crew put on a great party for us, the food was great and bartender was doing it right. Chappy brought his computer so we could have some Love Boat era tunes and once the alcohol started to take effect the grooving dance moves started to pop up. At the end of our three hour tour most of us still had sea legs as we exited the boat but that didn’t stop us from heading to our after party at Lakeside Pizza in Tahoe City, formerly known as Pierce Street. Do not be fooled by the new name as it is also a night club and they are doing it right there. With free keg of CL smooth and beats to make you move there was no stopping the Love Boat crew. A few left early as they did most of their drinking on the boat, others stayed to get their dance on and others stayed even later. Rumor has that the club locked the doors and Chappy and a few ladies stayed and dance until three in the morning.

I do have to say the Porters Crew knows how to party and I think I speak for all of us when I say thanks to Kelly and Chap!

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I woke up the other morning to the realisation that it's already the month of June. Which means that winter is less than six months away. One reason I suspect the time seems to have gone by so quickly is that, by most standards, the weather this spring has been rather sub-par with cooler than usual temperatures and lots of rain (let's save that precipitation for the winter folks). In the spirit of making the best of it, the Snowboard.Com east coast crew decided to end the month of May with a bang (from a boom stick) by taking in a musical.

The city of Toronto has a rather vibrant theatre scene. Which is not something you would expect snowboarders to notice but we can be highbrow once in a while too. Of particular interest, the Diesel Playhouse was putting on an adaptation of a classic cult zombie movie Evil Dead throughout the spring. When I tell people about it, they usually give me a strange "it's a musical about zombies?" look. I'm quick to point out that It can't possibly be any worse than the opera adaptation of An Inconvenient Truth (an opera about a PowerPoint presentation? Really?) Besides, how often can you say you've been to a musical and left covered in fake blood (I assume it's fake). It's like Shakespeare meets Gwar, how can this possibly suck?

The Ottawa contingent of the crew stayed at the Holiday Inn on King street, only two blocks away from the playhouse. Upon arriving, we shared the elevator with some nice ladies who were in town to see the Dirty Dancing musical at the Princess, and they asked us if we were there for the same reason. Based on my general appearance, I found this question somewhat odd. The look on their face was priceless once we told them we were going to see Evil Dead, and it led me to the conclusion that we probably wouldn't to be going down with them (in the elevator you perverts).

The East Coast Crew waiting to get Evil

After scattering to track down food and beer for later, it was time to meet up with the rest of the crew. Since we were all coming from different directions, and not everyone had actually met in person prior to this meet, the logistics of meeting up were a slight bit difficult. In fact, one of my road trip companions, Chris, called my cell to tell me he was going to meet one of the other members of the crew, also named Chris, whom he had never met previously. I said "you don't know what he looks like, how are you going to spot him on a downtown Toronto street?" His response: "He's a snowboarder." That's when it occurred to me that we snowboarders do live at a different pace than most people (skiers too). Especially in a metropolitan area such as Toronto where people seem to be in much more of a hurry and much more concerned about their image than in most places. I actually had faith, due in no small part to Chris' response, that my shred pals would have no problems finding each other. I was not mistaken, I caught up with the rest of the group in front of the hotel and we made our way to the playhouse.

The musical itself was extremely entertaining. Since it's based on the Evil Dead series of movies (Evil Dead , Evil Dead 2, Army of Darkness), we were expecting a certain amount of camp, and this stage show was certainly full of it. It was done in the perfect self-effacing way which rendered it amusing rather than annoying. The actors even joked about how Spider-Man 3 was a horrible movie (Sam Raimi directed the Evil Dead movie). The highlight of the musical was the final battle at where Ash slayed all the zombies (sorry for the spoiler). I have never seen so much fake blood used in my life. It was squirting out of the walls all over the crowd. Fun times.

After the show, stoked on being evil, the crew got up to some pre-drinking at the hotel in preparation for painting the town red (with blood?). After getting nicely warmed up, we were off to find establishments to consume refreshments. Yet somehow this feat could not be managed without a tree being transplanted into the hallway to our hotel. Apparently alcohol turns people into landscapers.

After walking around for a while and ducking into a number of pubs for refreshments, along with some other random shenanigans, it was time to call it a night since the bars were closing. On the way back to the hotel, I received a text message from Chris saying that apparently someone was shot behind the princess theatre. They were cleaning up the scene as he was walking to meet his ride to Whitby. All this time, I was expecting that our musical would prove more violent than Dirty Dancing, which our lovely friends from the elevator were attending. Clearly I was mistaken on that count.

Puppet Jesus sitting at the top of the Big Apple in Colborne.

The following morning, we decided to locate a Golden Griddle we had seen the night before to have breakfast before we left. After fueling up on the all you can eat buffet and omelet bar, it was time to hit the road. On the way home, we decided to stop at the Big Apple in Colborne to buy some pies. This is where our trip took on a whole new dimension of cool when picked up an itinerant puppet with long hair, a beard, and some crazy ideas. That puppet turned out to be Jesus (or at least a very striking likeness thereof). The irony in all this is that we found him at a Big Apple which, if memory serves, is the forbidden fruit of the Genesis. Jesus was quick to participate in our road games of "hot or not" and was surprisingly good at it. Although I suppose I shouldn't be surprised since he is the son of god. In any case, Jesus is dope and he's certainly a good road trip companion, a fan of metal and a darn good dancer. When we first picked him up, he was rather subdued. Nathan even thought he was dead but we knew not to worry, "he'll be full of life in three days." It certainly didn't take three days, especially after a can of Saskatoon Beaver Buzz.

The Beaver Buzz turned out to be a bit of a mistake. Although tasty, it must contain some kind of super diaretic because it made me have to pull off the highway to pee. I was going to wait for the gas station restrooms until Jesus pointed out that the world is my gas station rest room. He's so wise. We finally made it home satisfied with our road trip shenanigans and happy for having found Jesus.

In sticking with my usual modus operandi of never walking away from an experience without learning something, here's what I learned this past weekend:

• Snowboarders are recognisable everywhere. They seem to have a different gate about them.
• Apparently the Dirty Dancing musical, counter to conventional wisdom, was much more violent that the Evil Dead musical... go figure.
• Jesus Saves... road trips. Although ours didn't need saving by any stretch. He sure made it more interesting. Keep your eye open for him, you never know where you might find Jesus.

Phew! Those are important life lessons indeed. Now I'm looking forward to my next live theatre excursion. Rumour has it that Monty Python's Spamalot is coming to Toronto in the fall, maybe I'll check that out. I'll be staying away from the Dirty Dancing musical though, that's much do violent for my sensibilities. In the meantime, I'm rejoicing in the fact that there's less than six months until winter and you can bet that I'm counting down the days.

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