just realized i haven't posted anything new in forever... well.. maybe not that long. but close. i don't have my forever-th birthday for a few months still.
anywho, not sure if you guys noticed, but have you heard?... times are tough. people can't afford their houses, cars are being repossesed, people are being laid off and banks... yes, banks, needed to borrow money from the government. i thought they were the ones who lent money to people? crazy times i tell you.
i thought i'd share some money saving tips to help you all out in case you are finding times tough.
1. don't buy toilet paper... use yesterdays newspaper. not only will it work at removing the feces, but you can get some gratification wiping shi*t all over that jon arbuckle in the garfield comic.... you aren't funny!
2. unplug your clocks during the night... i mean come on.. who needs to know what time it is while they are sleeping right?
3. encourage not cleaning up spilled food. if you have cats, the mice the food brings in will provide free pet food.
4. bring your rolled canadian pennies to the states to cash in. that way, you'll get an extra 10 cents per roll with the exchange!
5. for christmas, buy people $50 gift cards for places that they rarely go to... that way, when they never get around to using it, no one will even notice that you already spent the 50 bucks and just gave an empty card.
6. save on water by not showering. not only will it save on the water bill, but you'll save even more when people refuse to accept your dinner offers.
7. learn to love e-bay, craigslist and kijiji... not just buying things cheaper, but you can sell not only old clutter at your house, but your re-found 'virginity'.
8. get all your drinking done in one night. though it may not sound like a money saver, the next morning, when you wake up and say, 'never again', you have just given yourself at least a week before your next bender without having to hop on the wagon. and on that bender, drink fast and on an empty stomach.
9. cancel that gym membership... come on now... its obvious you aren't using it fatty. you aren't fooling anyone.
10. stop purchasing any type of prophylactic be it the pill or condoms, might as well be money in your wallet instead. because after all... if you follow the other tips on here, no way does anyone want to sleep with you.
hope these tips help and if you are able to save a couple bucks, feel free to buy me a beer next time you see me.
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