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Daily Barns: More Garment Care Tag Philosophy - Descartes Lives in my Pants
By: jr_barns

Well, last time I posted on here, I called on volunteers for an experiment to verify the validity of the statement that “forking is better than spooning”. Reviewing various literature (usually hidden behind the cardboard on the top rack of the magazine stand) and peers, there is much evidence to support this notion. Additionally it was suggested that “spooning” often leads to “forking” (thanks Joe). So this mysterious philosophic postulate found on the garment care tag of my Westbeach jacket seems to be well supported but not yet empirically verified. Even though supporting evidence is being discovered daily, the nature of research is such that the more questions are answered, the more questions need to be answered. So the following is a report documenting the progress of this latest useless research endeavour.

This past weekend, I purchased a new pair of Westbeach snowboarding pants. West 49 was having a “Going out of Winter” sale, my trusty Quicksilvers are getting pretty shredded in the bottom, so I thought it was time. I bought a pair of Pit Stop pants with a really loud khaki camo pattern (this is sometimes distracting while riding... no doubt the phrase “I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you my pants are too loud” will be uttered by me before the season is through). Judging by historical precedence, I deduced that some form of philosophic wisdom would be handed out by the garment tag on my new duds. This was in fact a correct assumption, right beneath the French care instructions I found the following: “Save a tree, eat a beaver”.

In the modern age of climate change and CO2 credits, trees are an important part of our enviro-economic reality. The unnecessary felling trees is a burden on both the environment and the economy. This I believe is the message being conveyed by this particular tidbit of wisdom. By saving a tree, we ensure that greenhouse gases are being more efficiently processed to ensure more epic winters to come (this should be evidently important to snowboarders). So “save a tree, eat a beaver” is very topical advice from the cunning linguists at Westbeach. Even if we accept this postulate as being true however, we have to determine what effect the state of said beaver will have when it is eaten. Is there any benefits, other than aesthetic, of eating a shaved beaver? What about feasting at 30,000 feet (affectionately known as the mile high club). Have our brave Westbeach philosophers considered the consequences of red wings? What of pink tacos? These and many other questions need to be answered and more research money will need to be spent. I'm currently petitioning Natural Resources Canada for additional funding for this project.

Here's what we know so far:

Garment care tags are a good source of knowledge on topical issues such as climate change and gender roles (The latter is based on discoveries brought forward by Carrie).
Cunning linguists and muff divers may inevitably become the saviours of our current climate (so say my Westbeach pants).
Laundry, although a tedious domestic chore, has proved to be a great source of amusement. WASH YOUR CLOTHES PEOPLE!

Garment care tag philosophy is proving to be a valuable tool in finding solutions to the problems of our collective day-to-day life. My research budget is drying up however, and this important field of research needs to be explored more thoroughly. If you have any garment care tag philosophies to share, please do so; science shouldn't be bound by budget. Until next time...

Keep Shreddin' the GNAR!

Published On: 2/19/2007

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Daily Barns: Garment Care Tag Philosophy - Wisdom from Washing Instructions
By: jr_barns

Every once in a while, usually when my friends stop hanging out with me because of the smell, I take the time to do some laundry. Recently I decided it was time to wash my good old Westbeach Sunset jacket. We'd had some good times but it was starting to smell a little too much like the outdoors so it was time to give it the old spin cycle. I proceeded to empty out the pockets in preparation for the washing procedure (faded cash and water logged iPods are not cool).

With my pockets empty (even those secret inside pockets... I didn't find any misplaced money unfortunately ), it was time to get to the washing part. Step one: find the garment care instructions tag. This proved to be a bit of a challenge since it was located somewhere beneath the powder skirt. Once located, I proceeded to read off the instructions:

Machine Wash Cold with Like Colour
Tumble Dry Low
Do not dry clean.

Seems easy enough, but just to double check, I decided to flip the tag over to make sure I didn't miss anything (I only like good surprises). On first glance, it just seemed like the French translation of the afore mentioned care instructions (I love Canada) however, there seemed to be a little extra at the bottom: “Spooning is good but forking is better”. It took a second for this wonderful nugget of wisdom to register, so on second reading it occurred to me that sometimes the deepest of philosophies can be found in the most uncommon places such as garment care instruction tags.

Being a bit of a sceptic, I don't generally take what I read at face value. That being said, this seems like an easy enough postulate to verify. So I'm looking for research assistants to help me confirm that “forking” is in fact better than “spooning”. Compensation is commensurate to my research budget (which is pretty much non existent once condoms and beer are purchased). Willing candidates should send applications to:

The Institute for Useless Research (IUR)
69 Fornikature way
Whorina, Ontario, Canada
IB6 UB9

I hope to be able to further the field of useless social science and build on what I've already learned:

Clean clothes make it easier to keep the friends that you have.
Wisdom can often be found in the most unexpected places, including washing instructions.
Vanilla yoghurt mixed with strawberry pop rocks is a tasty snack and a nutritional paradox (yes I know this has nothing to do with this blog but I like being random).

If interested, feel free to contact me, I'll be in my study (the crapper), or the lab (the chairlift) pushing the frontiers of science. Until next time,

Keep Shreddin' the GNAR!

Published On: 2/8/2007

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My Blog: 63 things guys should kno bout gurlz =) ..must read *ahem*chad*ahem* hah
By: ChadsBabii4E

1. When you call her, it's better to say hey beautiful instead of just hey what's up, because it will just get her more in the mood to talk to you and have a good conversation.
2. DON'T tell us when you think other girls are hot.
3. When a girl keeps the argument going that's only because she doesn't want it to be the end between you and her.
4. If you and her are arguing don't come out and say she's a bitch or a hoe, because that will just make her feel like you really think that way of her and she wont understand you, but if you just simple tell her she's acting up and she needs to stop, she'll understand you more.**
5. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
6. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
7. When a girl is really hurt she'll just be silent and turn her face away from you
8. To a guy, a kiss may just be a simple kiss, but to a girl it actually does mean something.
9. A guy looks at a girl's lips when he wants to kiss her, but a girl looks into his EYES.
10. When a girl goes out of her way to fight any other girl for you, she's just proving to you that she would KILL for you.
11. Don't say you love me if you don't mean it.
12. Don't lie to us . . . we will catch you.
13. When the girls get together, we talk about EVERYTHING. Meaning my best friends know everything about you.
14. There is no such thing as too much spooning.
15. This is how we see it . . . Don't call = Don't Care.
16. Which also means that if we don't call, take the hint.
17. When a girl says she wants to marry you, it **doesn't literally** mean she's going to jump into a gown and walk down the aisle with you, but in other words she's telling you she wants to spend her life with you.
18. When a girl has her period she REALLY is moody, it's not just an excuse like guys think.
19. We like you to be a little jealous . . . but overly possessive is not necessary.
20. Putting things in our butt DOES NOT turn us on.
21. Return favors: we massage, you massage; we go down, you go down; we shave, YOU shave (and not just your face).
22. Foreplay is not an option . . . its a prerequisite.
23. When a girl is standing outside with you in the cold and she turns to you and tells you she's cold she isn't telling you to take off your coat so you can freeze your ass off, she just wants you to hold her tight.
24. When a girl always laughs and smiles around you that means you really do make her happy.
25. When a girl tells you she'll always be there that **doesn't** mean you can leave her whenever you feel like it and come back whenever you feel like it, because in reality if she really is always there for you and you do that to her REALIZE you really **don't** deserve her.
26. When a girl cries infront of you she wants you to see how badly you hurt her.
27. When a girl wont cry infront of you, but only when she's alone, she doesn't want you to know she's hurt because she wants everything to be fine.
28. When a girl lets you see her in her pj's, with her hair all a mess, and no make up that means she really is comfortable infront of you.
29. We're allowed to be late . . . YOU AREN'T.
30. Even if you see your girl everyday and she always looks good still compliment her even though it's nothing new, because she spends her time to look her best just for you.
31. The only reason a girl wouldn't show how she completely felt would only be because she doesn't want you to think she's obsessed.
32. Laugh at our jokes.
33. Three words . . . honesty, honesty, honesty.
34. Girls can be groupies. Guy groupies are stalkers.
35. Guys who are good cuddlers = guys who know how to satisfy a woman.
36. "Fat Chicks" have feelings too.
37. Silent treatment, shoulder shrugs, tears, yelling and nasty looks all add up to . . . YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG
38. We never have to wonder if your orgasm was real.
39. Do not start with us. You will not win... not kidding .. we ALWAYS win
40. If you ask nicely, we usually answer the same way.
41. We will never have enough clothes or shoes
42. Open the door for us no matter where we are . . . even at our house and getting into the car.
43. If your girl has her period and your horny as hell, don't pressure her to have sex on her period because she'll feel nasty.
44. Whether a kiss on the lips is the best or not, a girl loves to be kissed on her forhead or cheek.
45. We liked to be kissed softly, not with an iron tongue
46. When you hold a girl's hand in public it helps her to feel stable because she knows that you want others to see that you and her are together.
47. When you look at another girl, she doesn't flip out because she's jealous, it just makes her feel like she isn't good enough so you have to check out someone else.
48. When you and her sleep in the same bed and actually cuddle and fall asleep together (without sex the same night) she feels even more loved.
49. When she really has feelings for you just a simple hug makes her so happy
50. Boxers and maybe boxer briefs sometiems . . . NEVER whitey-tighties, NEVER!
51. Always brush your teeth before you see us . . . a fresh mouth and white teeth are a necessity.
52. When we use our teeth it means that you suck at going down on us, so we are just returning the favor.
53. When she wants to sleep over your house it doesn't automatically mean she wants to have sex with you.
54. When you're in a bad mood she really wants to hold up closer than ever, but she's afraid you'll push her away.
55. When you're in a bad mood and you push her away she feels disowned
56. Even though you are sometimes insensitive and hurt us, we STILLl love you with everything we are.
57. Hit it and quit it, because later I'll be with you're best friend and he lasts for hours.
58. Don't act hard around your friends because I won't make you hard tonight
59. Sometimes "NO!" really means "NO!"
60. "Wife Beaters" are not an adequate form of fashion.
61. If we wanted to be on video tape, we'd be a porn star not your girlfriend.
62. Sensitive guys are great . . . but crying more than we do in a movie just isn't right.
63. Don't let ex-girlfriends cause drama, relationships are stressful enough.

Published On: 12/3/2006

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My Blog: more lingo
By: Vampboy

spork: the act of spooning in a violent rage involving every appendage put in all the wrong places usually with the assistance of robasian

bonerific: 1. a state of hotness unmatched by any other hotness
2. something really cool that makes you go "wow"

shumping: the act of humping in silence (only kyle knows how this works i guess)

fack: to explicitly express extreme frustration

fantastical: something that is fantastic and magical all in one

CSCSP: Canadian Super Cool Space Place (ask Kyle on this one or visit his pro and read his blogs http://snowboard.colonies.com/members/BushyV1/blogs/post/52758/)

color sex: sharing intimacy by using the same color in a chat room

colorgasm: if everything goes right, the act following up color sex

color rape: switching to someone's color in chat when they don't want color sex, violating every e-hole in their e-body

weenis: a part of the elbow resembling the shape of a penis. usually on the left elbow, this appendage is surgically removed at birth. unless you are unfortunate enough to have ass holes for parents and they just leave it there

dwoosh: the sister to douch. Instead of a stream of water the contains medicinal or refreshing ingredients, one my dwoosh with soda pop or other various beverages. To obtain a new car smell, use a mixture of toilet water and leather particles. To obtain that Mr. Clean smell, simply use a formula of 1/3 cup of lemon juice, 1/2cup of water and 1 cup of Mr. Clean, all purpose cleaner. Feel free to spice it up a bit, add some Franks Red Hot, or Tobasco sauce, use pickle brine and orange juice for a sea breeze scent. The solutions are yours to disover. The sky is not the limit, because there are footprints on the moon. FOr more suggested formulas, see smsbrdr1 for details.

gorgasm: an orgasm involving some really gory stuff (ask Selina, i'm not sure about this one either)

chickcore: a club of chicks of awesome hardcoreness (includes whit chelsea and kara)

ok, so its time for me to go, and this is still in progress, so I will continue it later once i have more input from fellow sb.com members

KAK: (Kool Aid Kids) I need more input from kara on this one)

seatbelt: a special belt kyle uses so he doesn't fall out of his office chair onto his face

elite whore: one who has achieved a great level of e-whoreness such as myself, robin, kyle and shawn

*golf clap*: a sort of courtesy clap you recieve if you do something outstandingly stupid

handitard: the epitimy of a handicapped retarted person

mo-dar: as in "word to your mo-dar"

turbasm: the act of having an orgasm while wearing a turban....usually ending in a mess on robin's shoes

blaster worm: a form of std transmitted by having cyber sex. this is the worst known std to mankind. there is no sort of prevention to catching this one, so beware kiddies. think twice before chatting online with that random person with 69 or hottie in their screen name

Published On: 5/30/2006

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My Blog: sb.com Dictionary
By: jgardiner_1

spork: the act of spooning in a violent rage involving every appendage put in all the wrong places usually with the assistance of robasian

bonerific: 1. a state of hotness unmatched by any other hotness
2. something really cool that makes you go "wow"

shumping: the act of humping in silence (only kyle knows how this works i guess)

fack: to explicitly express extreme frustration

fantastical: something that is fantastic and magical all in one

CSCSP: Canadian Super Cool Space Place (ask Kyle on this one or visit his pro and read his blogs http://snowboard.colonies.com/members/BushyV1/blogs/post/52758/)

color sex: sharing intimacy by using the same color in a chat room

colorgasm: if everything goes right, the act following up color sex

color rape: switching to someone's color in chat when they don't want color sex, violating every e-hole in their e-body

weenis: a part of the elbow resembling the shape of a penis. usually on the left elbow, this appendage is surgically removed at birth. unless you are unfortunate enough to have ass holes for parents and they just leave it there

dwoosh: the sister to douch. Instead of a stream of water the contains medicinal or refreshing ingredients, one my dwoosh with soda pop or other various beverages. To obtain a new car smell, use a mixture of toilet water and leather particles. To obtain that Mr. Clean smell, simply use a formula of 1/3 cup of lemon juice, 1/2cup of water and 1 cup of Mr. Clean, all purpose cleaner. Feel free to spice it up a bit, add some Franks Red Hot, or Tobasco sauce, use pickle brine and orange juice for a sea breeze scent. The solutions are yours to disover. The sky is not the limit, because there are footprints on the moon. FOr more suggested formulas, see smsbrdr1 for details.

gorgasm: an orgasm involving some really gory stuff (ask Selina, i'm not sure about this one either)

chickcore: a club of chicks of awesome hardcoreness (includes whit chelsea and kara)

ok, so its time for me to go, and this is still in progress, so I will continue it later once i have more input from fellow sb.com members

KAK: (Kool Aid Kids) I need more input from kara on this one)

seatbelt: a special belt kyle uses so he doesn't fall out of his office chair onto his face

elite whore: one who has achieved a great level of e-whoreness such as myself, robin, kyle and shawn

*golf clap*: a sort of courtesy clap you recieve if you do something outstandingly stupid

handitard: the epitimy of a handicapped retarted person

mo-dar: as in "word to your mo-dar"

turbasm: the act of having an orgasm while wearing a turban....usually ending in a mess on robin's shoes

blaster worm: a form of std transmitted by having cyber sex. this is the worst known std to mankind. there is no sort of prevention to catching this one, so beware kiddies. think twice before chatting online with that random person with 69 or hottie in their screen name

Published On: 4/16/2006

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Skiboarding: tremblant, opening weekend
By: calum

first post, what a waste of time. i know you love me though, so this is for you. tremblant opened this past weekend, too much fun. ezra, teddy, eric and i stayed at the hostel. we took some of the wildest party footage you could possible get in a 10' by 10' room. shredding was amazing, obviously, i saw basically everyone i know that snowboards up there. new box is wild. partying was ridiculous. friday i was a mess, so lorange. sorry jazz. saturday, i was expecting to be spooning on the couch with eric watching dracula or something, but boy was i wrong. maison du spaghetti to jump things off. 3 40's for 9.99. some red bull. noodle fight. drinking games. polaroids. rofl sales. CAFE D'EPOQUE? hell yeah! the 20+ of us were basically the only ones there and boy did we kill it. free drinks. flaming bar. peanuts from above. dancing in the cage. mike jones. g-unit. diablo shots, ecchhh. product toss? big ups to kendall moore!! all in all, a fantastic weekend. great to see everyone again. its officially begun! shout outs to jasmin, sean and teddy bear for coppin some 05 rofl gear, thanks for the support!

Published On: 11/21/2005

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My Journal: 18/1/2005 By: GamesTee
I'm bored with life... anyone wanna submit a resume to be my friend, please inquire below... that includes baking cookies, msn parties, and spooning Published On: 1/18/2005 Add/View Comments (0)

My Journal: 1/4/2005 By: GamesTee
i am so tri-spooning with tyler, and anthony... Published On: 4/1/2005 Add/View Comments (0)

My Journal: 28/11/2004 By: grovenasty
Best BDAY ever. Thanks too the ultimate canadian babe squad. Thanks for the best gifts ever!! Thanks Margaux for the PDA. Thanks Wille for the wine and spooning. Thanks MOM for showing everyone my kid photos. Jerk. The list go's on. I had the best time ever. Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!!!!!! Published On: 11/28/2004 Add/View Comments (0)

My Journal: 23/9/2004 By: Linalainen
Making out, cuddeling and spooning might be the answer to my previos question Published On: 9/23/2004 Add/View Comments (0)

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