Well, last time I posted on here, I called on volunteers for an
experiment to verify the validity of the statement that “forking is
better than spooning”. Reviewing various literature (usually
hidden behind the cardboard on the top rack of the magazine stand)
and peers, there is much evidence to support this notion.
Additionally it was suggested that “spooning” often leads to
“forking” (thanks Joe). So this mysterious philosophic postulate
found on the garment care tag of my Westbeach jacket seems to be well
supported but not yet empirically verified. Even though supporting
evidence is being discovered daily, the nature of research is such
that the more questions are answered, the more questions need to be
answered. So the following is a report documenting the progress of
this latest useless research endeavour.
This past weekend, I purchased a new pair of Westbeach snowboarding pants. West 49 was having a “Going out of Winter” sale, my trusty Quicksilvers are getting pretty shredded in the bottom, so I thought it was time. I bought a pair of Pit Stop pants with a really loud khaki camo pattern (this is sometimes distracting while riding... no doubt the phrase “I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you my pants are too loud” will be uttered by me before the season is through). Judging by historical precedence, I deduced that some form of philosophic wisdom would be handed out by the garment tag on my new duds. This was in fact a correct assumption, right beneath the French care instructions I found the following: “Save a tree, eat a beaver”.
In the modern age of climate change and CO2 credits, trees are an important part of our enviro-economic reality. The unnecessary felling trees is a burden on both the environment and the economy. This I believe is the message being conveyed by this particular tidbit of wisdom. By saving a tree, we ensure that greenhouse gases are being more efficiently processed to ensure more epic winters to come (this should be evidently important to snowboarders). So “save a tree, eat a beaver” is very topical advice from the cunning linguists at Westbeach. Even if we accept this postulate as being true however, we have to determine what effect the state of said beaver will have when it is eaten. Is there any benefits, other than aesthetic, of eating a shaved beaver? What about feasting at 30,000 feet (affectionately known as the mile high club). Have our brave Westbeach philosophers considered the consequences of red wings? What of pink tacos? These and many other questions need to be answered and more research money will need to be spent. I'm currently petitioning Natural Resources Canada for additional funding for this project.
Here's what we know so far:
-
Garment care tags are a good source of knowledge on topical
issues such as climate change and gender roles (The latter is based
on discoveries brought forward by Carrie).
-
Cunning linguists and muff divers may inevitably become the
saviours of our current climate (so say my Westbeach pants).
-
Laundry, although a tedious domestic chore, has proved to be
a great source of amusement. WASH YOUR CLOTHES PEOPLE!
Garment care tag philosophy is proving to be a valuable tool in finding solutions to the problems of our collective day-to-day life. My research budget is drying up however, and this important field of research needs to be explored more thoroughly. If you have any garment care tag philosophies to share, please do so; science shouldn't be bound by budget. Until next time...
Keep Shreddin' the GNAR!
J.
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