some Serbian humor...
'Twas the night before Bozic and all through the kuca,
I sensed the smell of posna sarma and rakija vruca.
By the dimnjak the opanci were hung kind-a krivo,
In hopes that Sveti Nikola would soon bring me some pivo.
My Tata was in his soba and he was snoring pretty hard,
I guess he was tired from stealing the tree from my neighbor's backyard.
My Mama was in the basement cooking like a fool,
Adding just the right amount of Vegeta to her corba pasulj.
When out on the lawn there arose such a galama,
My dad yelled from his room "Pa, sta je sa vama!"
There was a knocking on the front door with such a loud barrage,
I yelled through the window "This is a Serbian house...come in through the garage!"
Standing in the garage right next to my car,
Was my drunk Ujka Rade coming home from the bar.
"Ajde, idi spavaj" I told him with might, Nobody was going to ruin my chances of seeing Deda Mraz tonight.
About two hours later I heard a noise down the stairs,
I jumped from my krevet to see who was there.
Standing by the tree and eating some leftover pizza,
Was good ol' Deda Mraz reeking of homemade sljivovica.
He was all dressed in red and big as an ox,
He wore some brown papuce along with black socks.
Smelling like a gipsy that's been drinking for days,
He wasn't what I expected...I was actually amazed.
"U picku materinu, kako mrzim ovaj posao," he said,
And then I think he muttered something about his wife and how he wished she was dead.
He started putting the presents under the tree with absolutely no desire,
They were all wrapped up kinda sh*tty with the paper bags from Meijer's.
A package of 12 carape for me and another pack of 12 for my brother,
About 3 pairs of gace for my dad and a can of turska kafa for my mother.
This Serbian Santa was crooked...he was nothing like the fable,
I should've known it when he swiped my pack of smokes that I left on the table.
I yelled out "Hej!" and Deda Mraz turned around like a car,
He quickly took off one papuca and threw it at me like a ninja star.
The look in his eyes was nothing but fright,
He said "Ma, jebi se u dupe" and dashed out of sight.
Up through the dimnjak I heard a loud shriek,
Deda Mraz had just farted like some wild bik.
He got in his fijaker, specially made for hladne zime,
And he yelled at his jelene, ime po ime.
"Napred Marko i Bobane, Petre i Gorane, Hajde Jovan i Nenad, Pavle i Zoran..."
And then he yelled, "Hajdemo brze, moramo poc',
SRECNA NOVA GODINA i SVIMA LAKU NOC!!!"
SRETAN BOZIC
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