About Me 

I enjoy collecting small porcelain figurines of three-legged woodland creatures. When I'm not glued to Ebay or Qvc hunting for new pieces, I like to read the backs of shampoo bottles and use the listed ingredients within the lines of love songs that I write. I'm currently sending out demos of what's sure to be my first hit: "Our Love is as Permaeable as Tetrahydrophospallticpsyricose-b29" Tour dates will likely follow shortly, so I may be pretty busy 'entertaining' groupies for awhile. Please forgive me if I don't respond to your correspondence in an expedient manner. Though....I'll have "people" for that sort of thing, so give it your best shot (and be sure to include a picture...something abstract would be nice)

Words of Wisdom 

You should make solid life plans, like me. After my fifth palladium record I intend to hole up in a castle nestled in the Scottish hillside-- building catapults and growing out my fingernails. I plan to re-surface every so often to issue a nonsensical, ranting press statement to the world that alienates as many of the planet's inhabitants as possible. At some point throughout the years I'd like some of you to get a *@&%ing grip, and quit being so pompous and arrogant about an activity that's supposed to be fun. You're harnessing the miracle of gravity to slide down a freaking hill, you clever monkey--I don't give a Yeti's frozen *@$% what you paid for your pimp-ass goggles. If you MUST have an attitude--save it for those that you DON'T have something in common with. (Like shifty-eyed midgets with hook-hands....or Republicans) Respect eachother.