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Meggs

My Journal

"Newbies guide of what NOT to do"

It occured to me yesterday how inexperienced people are when it comes to working out. It's not hard to notice the newbies in their attempts at belated new years resolutions or summer slim downs. It's like watching a car crash of sorts. Strolling up the stairs to the plethera of machines, they come dressed in their most "proper" attire. In yesterdays case, a gentleman in his skin tight, vintage eighties, nautical flag print swim trunks.

The cute little Brazilian couple who have obviously never been on a treadmill before gave quite a display. On their approach I knew that they were virgins. Not even so much as a preceeding warm up, they hopped on the contraption looking quite perplexed as to how to even turn it on. He, reached over to hers and pressed play on the magic carpet. She, terrified began running aka clomping like a clidesdale at 1.6. For those of you who are as lost as they apparently were, 1.6 is about the speed of a drunk snail on his worst day. He immediately turned to me and through the gap in between his two front teeth hissed in laughter, muttering something in portuguese. The husband works through his laughter and begins his machine and again, without any warm up shoots stright to 7.2 which in my estimation is approximately the same speed as Wilt Chamberlain at a full sprint. This man was about 5ft 6" so he looked like a midget running from a tornado. Needless to say he lasted at that speed for about 2 mins before he almost collapsed in utter exhaustion.

While this disaster unfolded before me and my stationary bike, an old man in his jeans boat shoes and Members Only jacket drops about 250 pounds of weight on the floor to my right sending a wave of startle through the room.

You can always tell a newbie by the way that they watch you while you are on a particular machine. Then as soon as you move onto another one, they slither in and try their hand at it. Of course they never adjust the contraption to accomdate their height or weight, they just simply don't know how. So they try and squeeze themselves into the seat that has obviously been adjusted to fit the frame of someone half their size and do about 20 repetitions of twice the weight they should.

If one ever cares to join a gym for the pure entertainment factor, may I suggest that one do so around the start of the new year. You will most likely never be let down for a good show.

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Published by Meggs: 2:00 AM

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Meggs

My Journal

13/6/2005

Monday, June 13, 2005

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