"'Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of - it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after 'I love you' or 'You're going to live' or 'It's a boy.'"
"Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? (sniff) Muffins!'"
"I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs."
"One of my friends has a stutter and a lot of people think that's a bad thing, but to me that's just like starting certain words with a drum roll. That's not an impediment, that's suspense! What's he going to say? Car?? ...or Carnival?? ...Carburettor!?!? Man..."
"The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades."
"About a month ago I got a cactus. A week later, it died. I was really depressed because I was like 'Damn! I am less nurturing than a desert.'"
"I like when good things happen to me, but I wait two weeks to tell anyone because I like to use the word 'fort-night.'"
"I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.'"
"I noticed that there are no b-batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?!?' 'B-batteries!!!'
And D-batteries.... that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'"
"I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything."
"I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it."
"A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.'"
"My favourite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.'"
"I got some new pyjamas with pockets in them, which is great, because before that I used to have to hold stuff while I slept."
|
Published by In_Limbo: 11:12 PM
Updated On: 5/4/2006 at 11:16 PM
|
