i'm so confuzed...i don't what to do anymore...should i give up on the only dream that's kept me alive and sane (for the most part)for the past few years?.... i recieved my g'pa's phone number via my brother jason, but i can't help but to call and hope that my father picks up the phone. i've wished so hard and long that i could be the one responsible for my father's decease. the shi*t he put us kids thorugh was terrible...i wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.... should i call? should i find him and eleminate him? should i go back to therapy? should i commit myself again? i really don't expect anyone to answer this, but if you do...make it worth my time, don't bullshi*t your way through life, embrace the moment and pull the trigger again and again and again. pull it till the clip is empty, reload, and empty again. hope how you die is the most intolerable thing that is humaly possible to put the human body through while it's still alive and breathing. hope to god that it still lives with the pain and suffering that it put us, cloesest to it, through. i hope he answers the phone so i can achive my everlasting fantasy of murdering my father. f*ck you dick, i hate you and just know that i'm comming for you, to make ends meet...tell me, how do you sleep at night? knowing that everyone that you've ever come in contact with, hates your guts...but most of all, your fleash and blood, remember i look just like you.  ROT IS PIECES a**hole! i know i won't do it and every one else should know this as well. you'll not know peace till you've had suffering!