i  have finally lost all ability to fly in the sense thta i have lost all hope i think of how i could have made things different and wish that i could rewind i feel like i have been raped of my life and there is none to save me and that no one cares thursday i sat staring at a the railing of the bridge for two hours until one of my roomates found me i don't know if i would have jumped i don't know what i would have done but i didn't and that is what puzzles me i should be in the hospital right now in some mental ward where they treat me like a lab rat and try different drugs on me until i am so socially numb that i am no longer a threat to myself and barely know who i am but i am not there i'm writing this blog not in hopes that someone will read it and pity me or that someone will respond but more so that i realize that i didn't jump and in doing so there must be something out there that i have decided is worth living for at least for now i just wish i knew what it was so i could fill myself with that one thing and recover so that i never find myself at the railing of some bridge over looking a drop and wondering if anyone would care if i climbed over the rail and jumped expecting to fly away but remembering in mid-flight that my wings were torn of so very long ago


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Published by 360double: 11:18 PM
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