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My Blog

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Sunday, April 29, 2007
dreams of  ecstasy slowly fading into the dark of sobering night
like wind sweapt willows crying out in the fog for someone to hear them
i say not a word as i watch my heart end
in a silent bang it dies
with no remorse i walk away feeling nothing and everything
it flows through me entwining itself to my being
suffercating my life
moreover i must go and disappear to the land of the dead
the land of the forgotten memories
to wait in slumber for the day that you come again
to bring new life to my wearly bones and lift me from my shallow grave
 
like tissue paper holding in it the delicate rose that will be given to the love
that with it will speak the hopes and fears of tomorrow as its thorns drive themselves into your flesh
a thousand knives carving their credos into your arm
you shriek out in devilish joy at the pain that has befallen you
with a silent grin you drive them in
its the most alive you have felt in ages
the pain of life so brutal and clean
like love only without the secret that holds us all together
the secret that makes us shudder in the wind at the thought of being alone and the fear of being together
oh the joy that awaits if we accompish the task oh the agony that will swallow us in the end
 
broken shards of glass line the house in which i live to remind me that i am alone
haven't seen another in years don't know if i am the only one
the day is spent looking for some thing i have lost
i don't know what it is
 
i had it long ago that is all i know
i don't know its shape or size of why i lost it
but it was important it was mine
you gave it to me
you must have
no one else would give me something so special
damn i wish i knew what it was
i hid it so that i would always have it
to keep it safe
from those who wished to take it
will you help me find it
 
come a little closer now and look me in the eye
what do you see do you see right through me into my inner being and out the back of my head
do you see the little lost child that i hid there hid deep inside and threw away the key
thats me
come closer still touch her hand
she is cold and scared
protect her love her
break the lock and set her free
 
i want you but i don't want to loose me
i want to show you that i am not scared of living
but i can't stop myself from dying
i want to show you i can love you
but i can't stop the self loathing
i'm a mess  of knots tied up tight
weathered in to a solid clump
i should be cut up and burned
 
please don't leave me i don't want to be alone again
i'll leave you stay i know heartbreak anyway
please leave i can't stand your stares
i can't stand the love in your eyes
i want to be alone again
 
dreams of ecstasy line my mind like a crippled fort in the foothills wounded by valent soldiers who can to lay seige to me
you can't make a home here amongst the cluttered memories of you
there is no room
not even for me
can i stay with you tonight i don't want to be alone

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Published by 360double: 2:38 PM
Updated On: 4/29/2007 at 2:47 PM

Thursday, April 19, 2007
i want to tear my heart out
and watch it bleed to death
and then put it in a ziplock bag
and mail it to you

my decrepid heart no longer beats for you
it doesn't beat for anyone any more
you gave me life in a moment
and in the next you took it away
and sent me on my way

your last kiss good bye was the kiss of death
the most beautiful kiss in my history
hiding a deathly goodbye
and taking with it all the feelings you had for me

now i stand in silence at my grave
you sent me dead roses i should have known
distance killed them
just like its killing us

so i will make one more desperate attempt in the months to come
to be the girl of your dreams
to be the only one
and maybe then you won't forget me
when its your time to go.



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Published by 360double: 12:35 PM

Sunday, April 15, 2007
i think the worst place to fall asleep in in the seatbelt of a car or the red eye flight over the ocean okay so really anything that involves an uncomforatable chair with no neck support
 
i just though you all should know that i'm going to go study now and stop rotting my brain staring at the internet
 
hee hee

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Published by 360double: 3:35 PM

Thursday, April 05, 2007
do not ever order from pricegrabbers.com
sure you get a deal a great deal for that matter
but you also get a letter from there website saying
your package has been lost in the postal black hole

so the gift i bought for my friends birthday will not be here in time

in fact it may never get here some dude some where is probably appreciating it

grr


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Published by 360double: 1:03 PM
Updated On: 4/5/2007 at 1:04 PM

Wednesday, April 04, 2007
i am completely convinced that i should give up shaving my legs i cut my ankle open its been bleeding for 2 days

to bad i have this fear of hair and my skin is to sensitive to wax or use nair i wonder if i can hire someone to shave my legs

hmm


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Published by 360double: 5:26 PM

Monday, April 02, 2007


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Published by 360double: 8:34 PM

Monday, April 02, 2007
having a bad day
as you may have guessed
trying my best to be the girl of your dreams
trying my best not to be needy
trying my best to not be a pest
and all you do is ignore me
f*ck it
 
all that i asked for was a best friend
dying alone is fine by me
but traveling alone to see the world
i wanted you beside me
but it doesn't appear that it is going to work out
your acting weird
and i'm bending over backwards to please you
i think you may hate me
but you know what
f*ck it
 
i don't care why should i
it was just 7 days
it was just a hallucination that leaves you with a hangover
i'm tired of trying to attract you
its not worth it
sure i love you but you don't love me
it was just the way you were feeling at the moment
you tugged my heart around for the ride of its life
you fixed all the wrongs
only to leave me
with a bitter taste in my mouth
 
so you know what f*ck it
oh and f*ck you
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
have a nice day i know i am
 

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Published by 360double: 1:30 PM


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